| i quit xanga
find me on myspace
<333
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| "...since the day that we've met, oh can you feel it yet? it's never been more perfect being alive..."
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| Have you ever felt like you've cheated death?
like seriously... obviously, I'm not normal. Because if any other common human being out there did all the stuff I did... they'd be dead and it's be expected that they die.
I've slit my own wrist countless of times from the end of 8th grade til the end on senior year in high school.
I was abused as a child. As I grew up... I guess I got tired of it by 8th grade... so I started beating myself up.
Everytime my parents lifted their hand like they were gonna hit me.
Instead of curling up all shaking and stuff like I'd use to. I'd yell
out in frustration... "DO YOU WANNA HIT ME??? I'LL HIT MYSELF!" So I'd punch myself til I bleed or run straight into a wall or slap myself until my entire face and neck is red or put my head at the edge of a cabinet and slam the door into my head...
so of course, my parents would stand there confused. I guess they
didn't want my brother or sister to turn up as screwed up as I am so
they didnt lay a hand on them... thats good.
Sometimes when my parents were angry with me.. they'd tell me to kill myself. So what do I do? I try to kill myself. I'd slit my wrist where it would gush out blood and my shirt would be bloody red... I've tried overdosing on pills.... I've DRANK AN OZARKA WATER BOTTLE FILLED WITH BLEACH! for goodness sake! ... yet I'm still alive.
and every day I kinda question why or how.
it's not normal for anyone to do all of that and still be living....
I never went to the hospital or even threw up after all of that... I'd
just cry myself to sleep and pretend like nothing happened the next day.
yes. I know I'm a mess. I've had to seek professional help and after
high school... I havent done any of that so... I guess thats good.
but yes. I almost died friday. one of those 18-wheeler things ran me
off the highway kinda... my wheel was like a little over the hill about
to tip off and roll over or whatever but it didnt and I got to ballet
on time. And then at work... I was putting one of the box things up and
one up the cooking knife fell down and swiftly touched my shirt but
didnt cut me.
hmm strange. <333
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| I wanna wish everyone a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I love you all so very much. some more than others haha <333
Geisha! :::looks at picture:::
Peony and Diane (in unison): "JEANIE!"
Diane: "We said Geisha not Gangster!"
Jeanie: :::wimpers::: "Ahhhh I HATE MY FACES!"
lol
...but WE love your faces Jeanie! It keeps us going <333
I have the most beautiful family in all the land! |
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| OrigPSycHoTurtle: i do know i'm sorry for ever meeting you
wow. that like seriously hurts.
</3 |
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